Walking WITH...

Racial Profiling

But, against white people.  Yep.  I said it.  But - to be clear, Racial Profiling is racial profiling, no matter how you spin it.  To look at someone, based on race, and to ‘predetermine’ who their are, what they have done, and what they have to offer. In Swaziland, this works on white people in strange ways. 

FIRST, there is the constant projection that ‘ALL WHITE PEOPLE ARE RICH’.  This mostly manifests as people, random people who are often mid-conversation with people, stopping to ask me if I have 2 rand, for no reason, other than they are pretty sure I have money to give away.  And, while I personally don’t often have extra money, they aren’t actually that far off.  White people have been coming into their country ‘giving’ things away for centuries.  And it is a reinforced stereotype that will continue, as people from the Developed Countries STILL come in to DO FOR, and GIVE AWAY, rather than DO WITH, and COLLABORATE. 

SECOND:  ‘WHITE PEOPLE ARE SMARTER’.  This one often upsets me, because I hear it from Africans simply inferring this statement, as if to say, that’s just the way it is.  And it upsets me because that is what years of inbred colonialist thinking does to you - it creates an inferiority complex.  But the reality is this:  Africans ARE smart - and if they have adequate educations resources, are equally as smart are white people. 

THIRD:  ‘WHITE PEOPLE DO THINGS BETTER’.  Continuing the serious inferiority complex, economically speaking, this is the common thought by all around here.  Banks give white business owners better loans, government gives them more leniency with rules or deadlines. 

FOURTH:  ‘WHITE PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS TRUSTWORTHY’.  This one tends to work in my favor, as it often gets me lifts.  But it also comes across in funny ways.   For example, in conversations with African men, they often say they ‘want’ a white woman… cause she won’t cheat, and she will be ‘clean’.  That one always amazes me - why do they thing white women are immune to HIV/AIDS or STI’s?? 

BOTTOM LINE:  Their are a set of standards by which I am judged, based on skin color.  In the land of African majority, and white minority (in Swaziland, it is only 10% white), there is a lot to live up to.  My biggest problem with these projections - which of course are not ‘bad’, in the sense that they are hurtful, except to the Africans - is that the whites here IN Swaziland reinforce them in their thinking, actions, and words.  They often stay in their segregated circles, interacting with the Africans only in business, but rarely, if ever, socially.  They speak in US vs. THEM terms, reinforcing the power dynamic that WHITE IS ALWAYS RIGHT.  And for me… it upsets me.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED IS THAT DIFFERENT IS SIMPLY DIFFERENT - NOT BETTER, NOT WORSE.  PEOPLE CAN BE DIFFERENT THAN ONE ANOTHER, AND IT’S OK.  We should celebrate that - not project layer upon layer of ‘better than/worse than’ complexes.  DIFFERENT IS GOOD, and WHITE IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT!  :-)

HAPPY ONE YEAR AFRICA-VERSARY TO ME!

As I sit here and reflect on what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown since last year, I think about what I was thinking and feeling when I arrived.  Then, I was wondering when things got easier, and my perceptions changed, stereotypes got broken; when I grew, adapted, became more open-minded, or the like… when my former ‘norm’ dissipated, and a NEW NORM took over… and I realized – it’s all about PERCEPTION, and what I (we?) think we know already.  With much contemplation over the variety of things I have learned, pondered, witnessed, etc., I have decided to write about the basic simple, yet not so simple premise of perception, and how Africa has educated me, so far.  I have had so many amazing, interesting, educational experiences, I can’t possibly record them all.  But, daily I remain excited and grateful to be here, and today, on my ONE YEAR AFRICA-VERSARY, I share a bit.

TODAY, 12.6.11 – I am actually not in Swaziland, but am in Ghana, visiting my good friend from Seminary, Kuukua.  As I wander around the market, I notice all the fabric, the colors, and amazing handicrafts.  I wish I could buy 1 of everything, so people back at home can have a little taste of the African flare!!  And, as we were driving down the street, I am always in awe of what the ladies are wearing – I have thing for dresses, and the colors and patterns here make my head swim, in a good way!  I stare, and then think, ‘I wish I could pull that off’… it’s the same in Swaziland.  Styles and colors, clothing combinations – they are done in this part of the world with more umph.  And yes, we all have our own taste in fashion, but find myself doing bolder things that I did even a year ago… and I find myself worrying less about what others think of my color combinations and choices… I find myself taking more fashion risks than I thought I ever would – and I thank Africa for that.  My perception on ‘acceptable’ has shifted. 

And FOOD!  You know, in the US, I (we?) don’t think much about where food comes from – production-wise.  We know a bit about it from Michael Moore, or other extreme-leftist sources, but for the most part, the US is an ‘outta sight, outta mind’ kinda place.  But one thing I have come to greatly appreciate about food here is what it was, and where it came from before it was on my plate.  You know, it is extremely common to go to someone’s herd, and choose the cow you want slaughtered; just pick one!  Or the chicken you’ll have for dinner – or the pumpkin from the garden, or the corn from your own field, or the tomatoes from your neighbor’s  farm, etc.  There is a big difference in appreciating the food on your plate when you actually know where it comes from.  Amazingly, kids often ask me questions like… do you have chickens in the US?  Or do you grow corn there?  Or avocados, or pumpkins??  And of course, most of the time the answer is yes –thanks to globalization – but every once in a while I get to say no – that is unique to Africa!  (or if it is in the US, I don’t know about it J)  But, that said, as I have widened my mind about types of food, cooking techniques, and flavors, I find myself willing to try new things.  My new philosophy is this: I will put everything in my mouth at least once… and it’s ok not to like it, but I can’t say I don’t like it unless I know for sure.

I think the same thing applies when it comes to social habits as well… Swazis have some interesting cultural norms which are always making me create comparisons with the US.  In an effort to minimize this post, I won’t go into great detail or list them all, but I will highlight a couple which have caused me to stop and reflect on some of my own regulations, values, and practices.  For example – to show respect and honor someone, you shake hands with both hands, or when you’re handing something to someone, you give with both hands.  And as with many societies, it is offensive to lead with the left hand, or offer the left hand.  I believe I will keep that practice of both hands when I move back to the US – because the statement made when you offer both I believe holds great symbolism with one’s presence in the moment.  Or with greeting: Swazis ALWAYS greet, even when in a hurry.  They always ask ‘how are you [unjani]?’  And the person always replies ‘I’m fine [ngiyaphila].’  In the US, I generally oppose this greeting because is superficial in nature, and people generally aren’t interested in how you are, answered in one word.  But I have come to see this concept of basic greeting in a new light.  It is not so much about wanting to know how one is doing, but it is in the consistency in asking the question; or rather, acknowledging the other person.  The greeting serves as a gateway to conversation, not simply as conversation itself. 

One of my biggest learning curves is language and pronunciation.  In Swaziland, they speak siSwati – a language with several additional letters/sounds, including clicks.  Now, I don’t have all these sounds down, and I can only make one general click noise, but Swazis enjoy laughing at me, and teaching me how to say something correctly, and I am happy to provide entertainment. :)  But, the more interesting piece of this conversation is a concept that I heard expressed best by Trevor Noah, South African comedian.  We all know that English accents come with a variety of pronunciations (American, British, Australian, Irish; Southern, New Yorker, Bostonian, Valley Girl … etc. ;) But what Trevor pointed out is that the AFRICAN ACCENT is most often associated with ignorance or stupidity.  And why??  Because in so many cases, Africans will speak multiple languages, taught at young ages, often including English (and more languages means higher brain activity, higher intelligence).  But, as with all societies, pronunciation is passed through families, and unless they have lived outside their home country in a ‘western’ English-speaking country, they are going to pronounce like everyone else in their home country  [ex: for apple, in Swaz, it’s APE-pul].  And I just keep wondering… WHO SAYS IT’S WRONG?  Is there a ‘keeper’ of the language??  No.  So why is there an association at all?  Sadly though, regardless of I have come to think on this, the rest of the world will take some time to convince around this one… simply because the global stereotypical association with Africa THE CONTINENT is that they are undeveloped, stupid, and/or savage.  And THAT just isn’t true.  There are amazing things the world could learn from Africa is they would just stop tearing through economies and cultures with selfish motivations for natural resources in mind…  ugh.  Just a little venting… :)

As always, I have tons more to say, and could speak at great length in detail about many many things… but, I will try to cut it short.  (I’m sure if you made it this far, I’ve paid you to be my friend! ;-)  But really – there is a point.  And that is this:  I have grown much in this last year, and that is due to a SHIFT IN PERCEPTION – about what is NORMAL – ACCEPTABLE – STANDARD – BASIC… and I have seen that what I thought before, has changed, expanded, and because of that, I have learned to appreciate, even LOVE, new things, new ideas, new ways of thinking and doing.  I really love asking questions to understand things better… and that has given me the gift of sight into a whole new realm.  I am still learning, and believe I will always be – but I wish to say today, that in the last year, I have learned more about the beautiful diversity in humanity than imaginable.  And again – I am ever so grateful, lucky, and blessed to witness and experience life in the motherland.  I love Africa!  :)  

Life on the Homestead - in just 4 days!

From Sunday til Weds - here’s how it went down out on the Homestead in Nkamazi (Hhohho region, north, about 20k from Piggs Peak)

*  Took a kumbi to an unknown destination, where an unknown person would be waiting for me… yeah, it worked out, but I was a little nervous at first… see, the kumbi was supposed to be going north, but began its journey going south… what I didn’t know was that this journey took the southern up ‘n’ around approach.  The kumbi guy kept telling me that they go where I stated I was going… but it wasn’t until we were an hour into the trip I began to relax and trust that it would just work out  :)

*  Attempted communication in siSwati all 4 days - not too bad, but there were a lot of laughs and glances in my direction when I ‘invented’ my own language!  :)

*  Meeting boGogo from the church and community (Grandmothers)

*  Church was unexpectedly canceled because the Chief called a meeting and all the elders had to attend.  The meeting went from 11 - 4:30.  Long meeting…. eish!

*  Killing and cleaning chickens as part of the Kukhany’okusha Farmers Association - the women of the church raise and sell chickens and eggs as a community as one part of their livelihood.  With church canceled, this was a great way to meet many of the church members, as we were all gathered ‘round for the assembly line.  No, I didn’t kill them myself - I stood there and watched as Gogo cut off their heads with a knife.  She held the head while someone else held the body - then the headless chickens were dropped in a bucket of cold water until they stopped squirming.  THEN, they were dipped in the boiling water and passed out to the cleaners a.k.a., Me.  I then pealed the feet skin, and plucked the feathers out of these (hot!) chicken, and passed them along for inspection (since I was new); then they were cleaned, feet chopped off, insides taken out, gizzards sliced open and cleaned, insides and feet rinsed and placed back inside the body cavity, then bagged for the freezer.  Note: chickens are killed based on order; on Sunday, we killed 20.  Also note:  I only cleaned the feathers off; wasn’t ready for the other parts… maybe next time.  :)

*  Attempted to stir liphalishi/pap/porridge [corn meal starch dietary staple] in the big pot over the fire… the fire was hot, and though they showed me how to do it… my attempt still got gut busting laughter from bosisi [sisters].  Ngiyazame [I tried] though!! 

*  Sold “Ice” - blocks of flavored ice, like a popsicle in a bag, homemade - with Skoni [Sister-in-law] at the high school, 2 days in a row.  Day 1, we got a lift, but day 2, we walked the approx 5k each way in 100 degree heat, carrying things!  Eish!

*  Carried a bag on my head for 5k!  Yep I did…  :)

*  Picked Ligusha from the field with Sisi and Gogo - ligusha is a native leafy green ground-cover type plant that grows ‘around’, often in fields, but never planted.  When cooked (water, salt, baking soda & leaves, boil til leaves are soft, then eat!), the final product is very gooey, with a snot-like consistency.  But it taste good, and it healthy!!  I quite enjoy it, and every one enjoys watching me eat it, since I haven’t quite mastered the technique yet… but I’m working on it!!  Currently, I still use 2 hands  :)

*  Roasted corn/maize/millies over the fire

*  Learned how to Ghita!  (well, sorta anyway).  The 17 year old girl decided to teach me how to dance - which is great cuz I totally wanna learn!  But it’s a hard rhythm to get!  Not quite the 8 count I’m used to!!  But we had fun, and at one point the whole homestead was dancing! 

*  Cracked peanuts for an hour - roasted them in the pot over the fire - then made homemade peanut ‘paste’ (PB, no sugar added!) using a grinding rock and a rolling stone.  This was difficult! - and apparently I was going too slow, because Sisi decided to take over.  She, used to using those muscles, worked 5 times faster than me!  I was in awe.  Literally. I was sweating hardcore after just 4 handfuls of smashing!

*  Attacked by the homestead dogs, who don’t like to be startled by goats when sleeping.  Course, I was the one who startled the goats, so I got the blame.  And when one barks, they all come a runnin’!  No, they didn’t pierce my skin, but I have a nasty bruise on my thigh where one attempted a good bit down.  Thank goodness he didn’t get through my pants - I really like those pants!!!  :)  Thankfully bosisi came to my rescue within seconds.  Afterward, she asked me which one bit me - and then she took a chunk of his hair, burned it, and rubbed it over my skin near the wound.  It is said that this prevents him from ever biting me again.  Hope so!  But no, this didn’t ruin my time or day even.  Just scared me for a few minutes.

*  Made Sitambu - a traditional Swazi dish consisting (in its simplest form) of samp (which I know as hominy), and peanut butter, stirred together.  My (ok, our, since Sisi cooked the samp in the pot over the fire, and made most of the peanut paste) sitambu was quite delicious, and not at all dry, as it can often be.  I was proud!

*  Ate/drank real emaasi, or sour milk.  It was delivered to the house on Monday (as milk, direct from the cow), set in the living room in a bucket with a lid over it, and on Tuesday, it was already ready, because it was so hot outside!  Curdled up nicely!  I even tasted that sour watery run off part, said to stimulate appetite.  (I only had a small sip, since I already have plenty of appetite!)

*  Enjoyed watching the chickens, puppies (there were 9!), goats, cows, AND the donkey wander around the homestead looking for food… sometimes wandering in and out of the kitchen area (which is an outside space with an awning over it, like a gazebo for cooking in big pots over fire (made with logs, not charcoal).

*  Acquired a son.  :)  Of the 7 young boys on the homestead, the youngest just turned 3 (literally, we celebrated his birthday when I was there!).  And you know, you ask 3 year olds basic comprehension questions, like “who’s that?” and point, or “what’s your last name?” or “where your mom?” and ask him to point… well, in asking that final question, he pointed at me!!  We all laughed!!  And of course, he thought it was hysterical - so he would say “Make!” [Mom] and I would then respond “Yebo!” in a tone that tickled him to death!!  Ah, the giggle of a 3 year old… totally cute.  When I was leaving, his mom asked him if he was going home with me, and he said yes, and grabbed my hand as we walked the 1k to the station.  He’s cute… but, I’m glad he didn’t.  I think I’ll start at 0, not 3, thank you.  :) 

I look forward to visiting again!!  My Mhlanga homestead was very kind, and too generous, and took excellent care of me!  They even let me sleep in to 8am!  (that is incredible late on the homestead, where they get up at 5 each day; the boys leave for school at 6:30 cuz it takes them about an hour and a half to walk to school!)  They enjoyed teaching me about homestead life, and didn’t hold back!  Make, Bosisi, Skoni, na bafana - ngiyabonga kakhulu!  [Mother, Sisters, Sis-in-law, and boys - thank you so much!]

Gender-Neutral Language

You know the strangest thing has occurred to me recently…

Now, I may not be 100% correct about this, but I have asked questions, and have gotten the same answer -

There is no specified gendered words in siSwati - the language of Swaziland. 

Which is SO INTERESTING to me!  (And globally speaking, so different than the latin-based languages that dominate the Western world) - why is is ‘so interesting’ to me you ask?

WELL - this strikes me as incredibly fascinating BECAUSE this culture and society is so gender driven and divided.  Gender roles are a critical and defining part of this strongly patriarchal society.  I am just amazed, and even a bit baffled at the lack of gender distinction in words and wording. 

AND - the other thing that I LOVE is that names are not gendered.  Yes, there are generalities, like the name Thembinkosi [meaning ‘trust in God’] is usually a boy.  But other names (even ones that sound feminine to my Western ear), like Ayanda [meaning ‘the family is growing’], or Nhlanhla [meaning ‘lucky’] are gender neutral, and can be for men, or women.  Additionally, most names actually have meaning in a way that they are useable in general dialect.  I can’t tell you how many times people ask me “what does Lizzy/Elizabeth mean?” and while there is an arbitrary Christian meaning of my name, it doesn’t mean that I can use it in a sentence as it’s meaning.  I really like that names here have a literal meaning.  But again - the best part is that they are genderless! 

The ‘thing’ that brought this pattern to my attention, after almost 9 months(!) of being here (and having 4 months of language training), is that Swazis generally have difficult time remembering the difference between “he/him/his” and “she/her/hers.”  To remember the accurate pronoun for someone seems to be a universal challenge.  And for me, it’s often confusing when someone starts talking about one person, and then uses the wrong pronoun - especially in the beginning of my time here! - because then I think I’ve gotten confused and missed part of the story… but really, it was just the wrong gender identifier.  It has become common place for me to do 2 things in response to this:  for children, I will correct them, in an effort for them to learn the difference.  For adults, I just tune it out in storytelling, and in my mind, replace the pronoun with the name of the person they are talking about.  It works out ok for me now that I have had this epiphany.  :)

So heh!  Who knew?  Gender-neutral language in a heavily gendered society.  Interesting, huh??   

Wedding Weekend for the Homestead!

This weekend there was a wedding - a man from my Mavimbela homestead got hitched!  It was a great event, and I was quite excited to be there as a Mavimbela!  Yes, I was the only white person in the crowd, and as always, people laugh when I tell them my last name is Mavimbela, but it also gives me street cred around these parts.  :) 

Generally speaking, there are 2 types of weddings here in Swaz:  the White Wedding, and the Traditional Wedding.  This was a White Wedding.  They rented a hall, and a caterer, and a praise band, and had an event.  White Weddings here a bit different than in the US, but, there are many similarities as well. 

The quick run thru:  The whole ceremony is had in the setting of the standard US reception (meaning, the bride, groom, and wedding party are seated at a head table in front of the crowd, who is seated at rounds, throughout the event); the entrance is big and done up - the wedding party does a choreographed ‘step’ (or dance) to the table (it’s totally fun, and my fav part!); the father ‘gives’ the bride to the groom; the wedding part happens (vows & rings); sermon; speeches made by important family members/friends/reps (like the toast portion); cake cutting & unity candle; prayers; eating!  Pretty simple all in all, but VERY LONG.  I think that’s why it’s good the wedding party gets to sit most of the time!  The major difference between this and many (most?) US weddings is that there is no dance party afterward, and definitely no alcohol!  (well, some people do drink, but not inside during the wedding!)  All in all, it’s a lovely ceremony.  When the had the Mavimbela side stand up for recognition, they made me stand too!  Awesomeness! 

The wedding happened on Saturday.  SUNDAY was a whole new thing for me!!  This is the day that the Bride along with her family come to give gifts to the Groom and his family.  And it’s a big deal in terms of culture and tradition!  First of all, the Groom’s family (the Mavimbelas) spent most of Saturday night prepping food and organizing for this big thing today - cooking for 200-300 people is no easy task!  Especially in the rural life setting!  Prep happened late into the night last night.  And this morning, all (most) of the women from the homestead went over to help prepare and cook the food for this glorious event - including me!  All food is cooked in giant kettles over open fire in the outside “kitchen”.  It is amazing to watch so many women helping, seemingly knowing just what to do!  I was amazed… and at the same time, useless - in the beginning.  Eventually, I noticed an assembly line I could jump into - so I joined the Beets cutters.  I cut beets for an hour, creating 2 giant bowls of diced beets (and have super stained red hands to prove it!)  While we were cutting beets, others were cutting potatoes for potato salad; chopping cabbage for cole slaw; dicing carrots, onions, and peppers for… well, everything, but most importantly for the meat stews.  A whole cow was consumed at this event - in it’s entirety.  Plus several chickens!!  All this, prepared by… maybe 40 women!  It was nice to be a part of something so fantastic in production!  And yes - the food was GOOD!!!   But - I have gotten ahead of myself - we actually didn’t even eat until the very end of the ceremony.  First came the gifts! 

This was an impressive display.  In this society tho, it is part of the tradition.  First, Lobola is paid many months before the wedding - Lobola is the dowery/bride price, paid by the groom to the bride’s family.  Lobola is negotiated family to family, based on a bride and her family’s “worth”.  Lobola is mostly paid in cows. 

[Side note:  the standard Lobola here is 14-18 cows paid for a woman.  As I am often asked for my hand in marriage, I get the question “How many cows?” quite a lot!!  I always say “50!” (in an effort to deter the guy for asking any more ridiculous questions) - I say “25 to my Swazi Babe (bah-bay/father), and 25 to my dad in the US - those can be ordered on the internet and shipped directly!!”  Ahhhhh… always a good laugh for everyone!  Sometimes the guy gets deterred, and other times, he’ll shoot back at me “What’s your dad’s address??”  Then I’m the one laughing, and nervous!  ;)  Ok - back to the day!…]

Anyway - Lobola has been paid by the Groom, and the wedding costs are mostly incurred by the Groom and his family as well.  The day after the wedding, the Bride and her family present gifts to show their thankfulness for the event, and for taking care of their daughter.  Additionally, it is to show that the woman entering the homestead is there to be grateful to her new family, and “be a good wife” and serve the family well.  Gift presentation is always standard: the Bride gives gifts to many family members, beginning with the boGogo (grandmothers), followed by Groom’s mother, then father, then it moves down the line of birth order based on family position.  It is actually too hard to write down and explain, so I won’t - but let me say this:  at least 30 people were given gifts today!  Probably more, actually.  But, the easy part about gift giving is this - the gifts are all the same.  The Bride gave: a blanket, a traditional grass mat, a traditional grass broom, a small pot, and a bible to every family member on the list.  She presented them, and each person accepted in a similar fashion:  the mat is laid out - you lay on it, then the blanket is laid on top of you, and you pretend to sleep.  This is how appreciation is shown for the gift!  Each person did this (except the elders), but everyone had a blanket covering their head!  That is just how it’s done, I was told.  :) 

After the gift distribution to the family has ended, the Bride gives her gift to the Groom.  She gives him a bedroom set: the works - a headboard and mattresses, night stands, dresser, vanity, sheets, comforter, pillows, additional tables, plus other household items like a wash basin, towels, and grooming/hygiene items.  And her job as the wife is to take care of him, giving him children and make sure he is clean and fed.  So there you have it.  

I am not entirely sure how my tone is coming across here - but I must say - this was very beautiful, fun, and emotional.  The groom actually did cry, but me, even just watching and taking pictures… the presentation of gifts is very moving.  I forgot to even mention the best part - the family and friends that came with the Bride - they were singing the whole time, and keeping the whole event joyful!  They also had a whole processional in entering the homestead, carrying the gifts to be presented.  It was very exciting!  

Over all, I think it is a beautiful tradition.  And this is the way it is, and the women and men of Swazi culture expect it to be.  Yes, there are people who change it up, but they are still just a small small minority.  For me, this is the number one reason, in all seriousness, that I could never actually marry a Swazi man.  Even if I found the Swazi man who broke all the gendered expectations for me in the home, his family would still hate me and my independent ways and expectations.  I would not make a good Swazi wife, despite all my training and conditioning here at home, and out and about.  Unfortunately, I am too resentful of my subscribed role as a woman, and absolutely loathe the fact that Swazi men never dish their own meals, rarely cook, and godforbid they ever wash their own dishes.  No.  That is not for me.  But it works for some women.  So, more power to them, and patience, and grace!   :) 

”____ is my slave name”

I heard this several times throughout my travels in South Africa.  In Swaziland, they say “____ is my Christian name”.  But, due to the various historical and political circumstances, there is a perception difference between these 2 countries.  They are so close, yet experienced totally separate evolutions in terms of experiences and histories with white people. 

This is a common expression across the whole continent of Afrika.  Most people (i.e., BLACK Africans, that is) have (at least) 2 names (often more, depending on tribe and tradition, but I am simply referring to the common first name):  they have their given name from birth - a local name, often having meaning to the family, like Nhlanhla (meaning Lucky); then they have their English name, commonly referred to as their “Christian name,” or “slave name” depending on who it’s coming from.  This English name is acquired at a variety of times; sometimes it is chosen by the parents at birth, and put on the birth certificate.  Sometimes it is chosen by the person themselves when they decide they need an English name.  Historically, the English/Christian/slave name was given on the first day of school in South Africa.  In Swaziland, I am not sure if the same thing happened, or still happens, but most people do have both names.

In my time here, especially in the beginning, people would introduce themselves to me with BOTH names.  In an effort to remember the people I was meeting, I would say to them - which name do you prefer to be called?  Or which name do you want me to remember, cuz I am only gonna work on remembering 1!  Most often, they would tell me their preferred name is their family given name. 

I think it is SO INTERESTING to think about this concept.  I mean - Christian name, synonymous with the idea of slave name.  And yet, historically and politically, Christian missionaries and white colonialists ARE the people who perpetuated the core idea that “native” is bad, and “Christian” is good - saying the only way to BE CHRISTIAN is to drop and let go of all those things are are important to you as a people, family, tribe, country, etc.  The way to “save” the natives was to educate them with western ideals and wipe out any sense of identity they had.  AND THIS STILL HAPPENS. 

This is the thing about Christianity that breaks my heart.  I love Jesus.  I love what he stood for.  I stand for that too.  But I do NOT stand for years and years of perpetuated hatred, control of land, people, politics, money, and the unabashed wiping out of culture, customs, histories and more based on the concept of “this is BETTER than you were; and THIS is the only way to be SAVED”.   That is not my Christianity.  But, because I work for the church, and claim Christianity as my culture, custom, and religion of choice, I have to own this history as my own.  Can you imagine??  Years - decades - CENTURIES - of Christians in Afrika saying “in order to be saved by God, you must: have a Christian name, speak English, eat with a fork…” and more.  There is a lot of work to be done in Afrika.  And much of it needs to be done by Christians - working on reconciling some of the missteps of Christians of the past.  There is a lot of resentment still.  And there will be for years - decades - maybe even centuries to come. 

In Swaziland, over 90% of people here are Christian.  And they say that over 50% of the Christians in Swaz are Zionist.  (Missionaries of the past have done a fairly complete job of converting the whole country.)  The idea of resentment is much less here.  Here’s why: historically/politically, the Christians never took of the government.  Today, yes, the King and 99% of people in the gov’t are Christian.  But Christianity here is governed (mostly) by the black Africans.  And from people to people, taking out the superiority complex/race factor, the resentment is cut way down.  While I think that’s nice, it’s doesn’t mean there is not damage.  There is. 

I believe ALL Christians need to own up to this history.  It is important to acknowledge the past of something which one calls one’s identity.  Just as I believe that ALL white Americans have a responsibility to own the histories of the genocide of Native Americans, and slavery in the US.  In order to grow up, the wrongs of the past must be acknowledged - even if YOU didn’t personally do the hurting.  Reconciliation is a long road.

SWAZMOSA - a Vacation from my Vacation!

I have just returned home (to my homestead in Swaziland, that is!) after a spectacular vacation around South Africa with my sister Emily, and her best friend Katie.  And while my “normal life” isn’t exactly a vacation, sometimes it feels like it!  (course, that depends on your definition of vacation - I am not being pampered, but I am livin’ the good life!)  But - for the last 21 days, I have really been on vacation - complete with crazy experiences and everything!  In an effort to make this story readable, and not too long, I have tried to highlight the best moments of this crazy-mazing time!!  (I didn’t do so well, sorry bout that - but it’s good info!)  The title of this vacation is SwazMoSA - which is Swaziland, Mozambique, and South Africa! 

PART 1:  CAPE TOWN & THE GARDEN ROUTE

Kickin it off with a splash, just after they arrived in Joburg, we hopped a flight to Cape Town.  First on the agenda:  hike Table Mountain!  It was a bit rainy, so we were unsure if hiking would even be possible - but alas, the God(s) were smiling on us, and on day 2, the sky parted and the sun shone.  We immediately got in a cab and said “take us to the Plattenklip trailhead!”  Plattenklip was “the easy one.”  The shortest, they say.  Which is great - but it still took us about 3.5 hours.  It was cold, and it was climbing stairs the whole way up - but it was so worth it!!  When we finally got to the top, we had a picnic, hung out on the rocks for a while, and watched as the fog blew in and out, giving us surreal views of Cape Point, and the Indian and Atlantic oceans.  Blue, amazing, and from up there, serene.  So so worth it. 

Next up: Wine Tasting in Stellenbosch!  We rented a car to drive the Garden Route, and our first stop was the wine area (of course!).  It was a Saturday - we all thought that would be a great day to hit up as many wineries as possible - but boy were we wrong!  In the morning, we stopped at Van Ryn to taste Brandy and take the tour - very educational! - on our way to check in to our hostel for the night.  We figured we’d be able to hit 4 more by the end of the day - first stop, Neil Ellis.  Fun!  Off to a good start, but then we discovered, as we attempted to go to 5 or 6 more, that apparently Saturday in Winter, when it’s raining, means close early/whenever you want.  So by the time it got to be 5pm, we were frustrated, hungry, and thirsty!!  After being sent all around for wineries (or wine farms, as they call them there!), we were over it.  I pulled into a fancy old farm house that said restaurant on the outside, only to discover that it was opening day for this place!  deHugenot’s was newly renovated, and still smelled of paint - but they were smiling and welcoming, and happy to seat us on the giant leather couch with a fuzzy blanket, in front of the fireplace and the zebra rug on this drizzly evening.  Their kitchen and bar were fully operational, and we discovered that they were already the talk of the town - apparently the town of Piniel (sp?) had been waiting a while for this place to open, so when it did, the place was full - people came for the rugby game on the big screen!  Knowing practically nothing about rugby, I struck up a conversation with some locals.  Very sweet boys - in fact, after the game was over (and we had eaten an amazing array of tapas!), they invited us back to their house for a birthday party!  Now - I know what you are thinking - we questioned it too - but we were traveling in our own car, and it was just around the corner, and there were 3 of us, so we figured - sure, why not!  This ended up being such a spectacular evening!  Yes, it was in fact a birthday party, and pretty much the whole town was invited.  The town of Piniel is a town of 99% COLORED people.  Colored in South Africa means “mixed race” - but it’s not just ‘black + white = colored’; its generations of mixed peoples intermarrying mixed people.  In fact, in SA, colored is classified as it’s own race and culture.  So - we were experiencing Colored Culture!  They speak Afrikaans, but they are different than the white Afrikaners.  The Mom (Henrietta), and the Dad, and the Uncle, and the sister, all welcomed us to their home, as we came in with a bunch of boys who had just finished watching rugby.  We celebrated the birthday at midnight by singing, and eating a Pojke (sp?) - said “poi-kee”.  This is traditional-style layed cooking in the giant kettles over open flame - and man is it great!!  This was a great evening, and totally made up for the disappointment of all the wineries being closed - we got to taste them all at this party!  What a night!

Garden Route Road Trip!  Final Destination: Knysna Oyster Festival!  Setting out from Stellenbosch, we headed east.  We did stop at one more winery on our way outta town - the Bilton - which did chocolate and wine pairings - a wonderful breakfast!  ;)   This night, we slept in a tree house!!  For real - in the tree tops - in a tent, with a bathroom that had no windows.  It was a ridiculous experience - but super fun!  Thank god there were heated blankets though… I think this place would be awesome in the summer!  Regardless of the cold, it was still really cool!  The next day, Katie and I made it our personal mission to experience as many oysters as possible - we never actually made it to the actual festival location, but we did eat our way thru the town, trying the various oyster specialties, and having fun along the way, and seeing some truly magnificent sights - like the Knysna Heads, and the Turbine Hotel (a crazy renovation from power plant to hotel!) - we went downtown, uptown, and then, outta town.  That night, we drove back toward Cape Town to prepare for our next big outting….

Shark Diving in Gaains Baai!  Yes - we did it.  We got on a boat at 8am, and headed out to meet the Great Whites face to face.  I really wanted to see them breach, but apparently only the cool National Geographic photographers get those shots.  Darn.  But it was still awesome!  Those of you who know me already know what came next:  I made it about 50 mins on the boat before my 1st puke.  I am extremely motion-sick.  Even the 2 dramamine I took 2 hrs in advance didn’t help at all.  I did say first.  All together, it was 3 times.  Which really isn’t bad, considering we were out there for 5 hrs!  There was even a period of time where I got to enjoy myself, regardless of looking green.  I had a buddy too - I wasn’t the only one!  Thank god!  ;)   And, while we were out looking for the sharks, we saw a momma and baby whale go by!  Very cool!  After all that - I was able to put on the wetsuit, get in the water, and meet the beast.  It was awesome!!  Thanks Emily and Katie for making this day happen!!  Unforgettable!  Heading back to CT that eve, we drove The Whale Route home, and saw beautiful scenery - and baboons!  Good times. 

The next day we went to see the African Penguins, drove and walked up to Cape Point - where the Indian and Atlantic ocean (almost) meet, saw more baboons, wild game, and ostrich, and then that evening, we ate at a cool place called Momma Africa, where I got to EAT those “game meats” - springbok, kudu, and crocodile - which were all very tasty, and not gamey at all!  ;)   All in a week of Cape Town fun!  Yes, there are more stories, but as you can see - this is already too long!  I’ll try to keep it briefer for the next parts (yes, briefer is a word… now! ;)

PART 2:  DURBAN, SWAZILAND, MOZAMBIQUE

We flew over to Durban for a couple days so the girls could make the most out of their time in South Africa and see as much as possible.  And shop.  :)  Durban is a crazy but fascinating city were there are intense culture intersections.  But its cool!  We took a walking tour, which included the biggest Mosque in the Southern Hemisphere, and the Muti Market!  Muti is the traditional magic (or “witchcraft”) done as natural/supernatural remedies to problems.  What a sight, wandering thru that place! (with a guide even!)  Very cool.  Our time here was short, but at least we experienced good food!  Durban is the birthplace of “bunny chow” - or, curry (anything curry), stuffed into a 1/4 loaf of bread - just take out the middle of the bread, put curry in, and put the bread stuffing back on top!  A-maze-ing.  Seriously.  Who knew?  Brilliant.  We loved it. 

Saturday morning, we took a kumbi [a minibus that seats a total of 16 people; 3 people per row, except the back, which seats 4 - and that’s where we were!] to Swaziland - a relief for me to be going home, and bringing my girls!!  And we did travel in the traditional Swazi way - in the back row for 6 hours, bags on our laps.  So happy to be done with that trip and finally back at my car!!  Whew!  Now it was my turn to play tour guide, and show them around my new home.  First stop:  CHURCH ON SUNDAY! 

After church, I brought them to my homestead, where I live with the Mavimbela family in Boyane [said Boy-ani], and they got to hang with my family all afternoon.  We had amazing food (as we always do!), and Make [Mah-gay, meaning Mom], made special dessert!  It was a great afternoon! 

Monday we went to the Swazi Cultural Village Mantenga (where I had only been once briefly before) and saw the traditional dancing and took a tour of the huts.  Old school.  Some Swazi’s do still live in traditional styles, but most people live in stick and mud homes now, instead of the grass - in the super rural areas, that is. 

Tuesday, the market, and then their first experience of the Neighborhood Care Point.  We went to Mbekelweni in the afternoon to deliver some donations they brought with them, and play with the kids, who were gathered at the Care Point for their daily meal of beans and samp (like hominy).  We also ate with them, then together, with the bomake [bo-mah-gay, meaning mothers] we played games with the kids.  It was very fun, and the first picture of rural life for the girls. 

Wednesday - we finally made it to a Game Park - Hlane, where we encountered a Lion, some Rhino, 2 Hippos, and Elephants!  (oh, and lots of impalas.  cuz they’re everywhere).  It was a very exciting day!!  

Thursday we got up early to take the girls to another Neighborhood Care Point - Shewula.  We had another fun day with the kids, playing games, giving out donations, and sharing a meal, as always.  The kids sang and danced and we all had a great time!  From there, we directly went to the border where we caught public transport (another kumbi!) to MAPUTO, MOZAMBIQUE!  

ONE DAY IN MOZ!  We pretty much had all day Friday, were we wandered around, shopped a bit, and found some interesting sights.  In the evening, we ended up at the train station, where we had read they sometimes have Jazz on a Friday night - we got there at 7pm, and learned that “night” in Maputo means starting at 11.  The place didn’t even open for another 2 hours!  When we wandered in, they were still setting up, so we struck up a conversation with the person behind the bar.  He happened to be the owner, and a very interesting man!  Nuno Quadros - world traveler, and friend of many.  He showed us his pic with Bono, and keep us entertained for a little while with his stories!  And he bought us a round!  If we were cool, we would have stayed all night, but alas, we hadn’t eaten dinner yet, and were headed to a place that came highly recommended, near where we were staying with my friends.  But, Nuno, being the gentleman he is, offered to drive us out there, since his place didn’t open for another few hours, we said he was free.  Which was great!  So we accepted, and they headed to dinner at the Costa do Sol Restaurant.  Katie and I ate the Prawns, and Em had a salad (she doesn’t do seafood, even in a city with world renowned fresh seafood!).  Saturday morning, we went by the Fish Market, and the Art Plaza, and them back to the kumbi for the 4 hr ride home to Swaz.  A brief, but worth-it excursion!!    I am DEFINITELY going back!!   Major thanks to my missionary friends Dawn and Jon Barnes for hosting us there!!  

Back in Swaz, it was church again on Sunday, some brief shopping, and then dinner with my Dlamini family!!  A lovely ending to their time in Swaziland.  Personally, I think family time is important.  Monday morning, we did our last minute shopping in Swaziland - and then spent our final moments at the border at Ngwenya Glass, a very cool Swazi glass co using recycled glass to make awesome creations.  Em bought herself a whole new set of glassware!  :) 

PART 3:  THE FINAL DAYS - IN JOZI

Their last 2 days in SA, and we experienced some seriously amazing hospitality!  My friend Ndoda, whom I asked for a location recommendation for where to stay in Jozi insisted we stay with him at his sister’s home.  Located in Sandton (a very fancy area), it was a gorgeous home (mansion, really!) with awesome hosts.  We got their late Monday night, but still stayed up - the company was just great!  

Tuesday, we were picked up by a friend of Katie’s friend in Cali.  He is a South African man whom Katie’s friend had met at a car show in the US.  He offered to give us a tour, and we accepted - and we are so glad we did!  This man - Seth - is retired from BMW.  He picked us up in a fancy beamer, and treated us like queens all day.  We went to the Apartheid Museum, then over to Soweto, and the Hector Pieterson Museum.  We then learned that Seth, in his retired years, is working with several projects, one of which is a preservation of his/her-stories project, creating a series of books called “The Road to Democracy in South Africa.”  He works closely with the leading historian of these books, and expert on the June 16, 1976 Soweto Uprising Sifiso Dlhovu. 

After our great day out with Seth, the following day, he set up a lunch for us to meet Sifiso Dlhovu!  Seth gave us a copy of the series (as it exists right now; there are still 2 more volumes in production!), and Sifiso and Seth both signed them for us.  And, while we were at lunch, another author friend of Seth’s wandered by, and was jealous that we were receiving someone else’s book, so he went and got us some copies of his book “The Empowered Native” and signed those for us too!!  Wow!!  What a trip!!  We were like celebrities!   What an amazing high point to end on after such an amazing trip!!  And, to top it all off, because the girls had so much luggage with them, Seth arranged a driver to take them to the airport - in a hummer!!  (the initial plan was to go via train!). Super cool!!  

For 3 weeks, it was go go go.  And it was awesome!  But now I am home - and while I am sad to see my sister leave, I am happy to sleep in!  :)   My vacation was amazing - but I must remember - I am already living a good life here in Afrika!  I have so much to be grateful for - thank you Emily and Katie for coming to visit me - having a vacation with me - but mostly, for coming to my new home, and meeting my new Swazi family.  I wish everyone could come and meet these amazing people I spend my days with here!  This is the life!   :)

O.M.G ~ What an Adventure!

This weekend I experienced a 28-hour whirlwind adventure - going South Africa for the first time!  I, along with 50+ other Kukhany’okusha Zionists from Swaziland piled into a bus and several cars, and made our way to Petermaritzburg for a night vigil/1 year death-tombstone unveiling celebration. 

Our adventure begins with the bus arriving 2 hours late - we were supposed to leave at 2pm, but we didn’t actually get on the road until about 4:30pm.  The drive is SUPPOSED to be 6 hours (that’s like driving from LA to SF!).  The majority of the driving was done in the dark; I was actually quite excited to “see” SA for the first time, but alas, I saw nothing since it was dark.  

When we arrive in Durban, we encounter our first major interchange - going from N2, to N3.  In this moment, we actually lost ALL the cars we were traveling with!  The task was to follow the signs to Petermaritzburg, but Swazi’s aren’t too familiar with big city driving (after all, Manzini has about 5 stoplights on the main road, and then you’re outta town - no freeways, no confusing signs, just one main road :).  So, after pulling over and trying to call all of them, and not getting thru due to bad network connections, we decide to carry on for a little while more, and hope they find us further down the road.  Miracle upon miracle, as we cleared Durban and headed out N3 toward PMB, we collected 3 outta 4 of the caravan, and finally got in touch with the last one, discovering that they were about 5k behind, that’s all!  So we breathe a sigh of relief, and move along!

As we approach the PMB area around 11pm, I decide to ask a little question: so, do you have directions to where we are going?  My bhuti [brother] says “well, now that’s a good question…”  I laughed, and sat back in the seat.  See, it sounds like it was a joke answer - but it wasn’t!  So - we drive along, and actually drive 15k PAST PMB before turning around - reason being that we were looking for “the first gas station” in town - one that was familiar.  Unfortunately, the one we were looking for was not just off the freeway.  So - we finally turn around and head back towards PMB, and the 2 cars following BEHIND us decide to take an exit off the freeway we have already passed!  What are we supposed to do now????   Eish!!  So we carry on, and get off at the next exit.  We begin following signs for city center, and carefully look at each gas station we pass, looking for “the one”… I was beginning to think this was hopeless.  But then something else was remembered from the instructions - Edendale!  

We ask for directions to Edendale Road - asking at least 3 different cars along the way - after midnight - if this was the right way to Edendale.  We get to Edendale, drive what seems like forever - but it was actually about 7k.  And low and behold, we find THE gas station!  And who is there waiting for us??  But the bus we lost in Durban!  Another miracle!!   Being so close, the rest of the directions just come to him, and we are there finally just before 1am!  Whew!!  

For those of you who know ME, you’ll know this was quite difficult for me - riding in the back, wanting to help direct, but yet, having left home for PMB without a map, directions, or a sense of even what we were doing, I was completely unprepared for taking over… though, you know I tried to be helpful!  One Make [Mother] I was sitting next to in the back were both having about the same levels of anxiety (so it felt), and we were equally trying to be helpful backseat drivers.  It was quite funny after a while!!  But - as soon as we got there, all my stress was gone, and I was ready for whatever was to happen next!  

And it was a fairly traditional night vigil.  Upon arrival, we put on our church gowns - in the middle of the night, in the freezing cold, outside.  This was a task in itself!  The important piece was layering to keep warm while waiting outside.  Finally, the whole crew was about done dressing and was getting ready to go in when I learned the other 2 cars had made it!!   A 3rd Miracle for sure!!  So we wait for them to dress, and enter together in the traditional night vigil way - as a group, announced, singing as we make our way up to the front to dance and sing for the leaders, and the whole big congregation gathered.  Our entrance was very exciting!!  It’s 2:30am - and Swaziland has arrived!  Loud, proud, and awake!!  

The vigil continues til about 7am - I was awake for *most of it!  It was a packed house - and HOT HOT HOT in there!  Literally.  I was dressed for freezing weather - which is was, about 0 Celcisus outside, everyone said.  But inside - it musta been around 80 F!  But the music was good, I made new friends, AND saw some old ones - people I had met at Good Friday.  

We finally make our way to grave site.  We literally unveiled the tombstone.  This is a tradition among Swazis and Zulus; sometimes it has to do with finances (not being able to afford a big tombstone while paying for all the funeral prep as well), and sometimes it’s done simply out of tradition.  The wife of the Archbishop was buried one year before.  Today, it felt like a mix between a funeral and a party at the grave site. 

But back at the Archbishop’s house, there was no mistake made: it was a celebration for sure!  For folks who came to the vigil, and then to grave, there was a huge feast after at his home.  He rented 2 tents, tables, had tons of food prepared, and EVERYBODY (maybe 400 people!) ate like kings!  It was a superb feast.  We were done here around 10am.  It this point, we were tired, and needed to get back home.  So on the road we went - headed out of town by 11, we were back at church around 5pm.  At this moment, I am practically falling asleep while writing, but I couldn’t forget any of these fun details! 

All in all - it was a great time - anxiety and all!  I think the larger message here is “relax - let the spirit take over” - not everything HAS to be worked out to the detail - and in the end - it was a great adventure!  Thanks KZC!  [Kukhany’okusha Zion Church]

Learning Curve…

The other day, I went for pizza with a friend from siSwati school. 

(Just had my last class! No, I am not fluent, I am just broke and can’t pay for more classes. But I will learn more in conversation with people - don’t worry!  anyway…)

We were talking, and then he says “Get whatever you like.  I’ve never had pizza before.”  Strangely enough, I was so totally BLOWN AWAY by this statement.  Pizza is the 5th food group in the US.  And, it is common enough here in Swaziland (ok, not as common as in the US), in the cities, that I figured he would have eaten it at least ONE time before - but no.  Never. 

I managed to pick my jaw up, and try to get the conversation back together.  This led into a deeper exploration.  I learned that technically speaking, he didn’t have any “friends” - I put that in quote, because of course this guy has friends - he is very sweet, and everybody likes him.  But I mean friends in terms of people to hang out with, talk to, share life with, kick it, chill, make trouble, giggle, eat, go dancing… you get it.  No friends.  Again, I am blown away.  So again, I try to go deeper and figure this situation out.  See, my Dlamini sisters were all educated in University settings, and have fairly western attitudes and experiences - which is why it is so easy for me to get on with them.  But this guy - he is more of the typical Swazi, as I understand it.  Here is his typical day/week:

Get up, go to work, eat, go to bed.  Simple.  My friend happens to rent a place in the city, near his work.  This saves on gas and time in transport. 

Since being in Swaziland, I have also learned that for those that don’t live on their family’s homestead, the standard expected practice is that you go HOME every weekend.  This happens at the ekhaya [homestead] where I live, and anyone who doesn’t live on one, goes home to one somewhere in the country.  That is just how it is. 

This is the same for my friend.  He works during the week, and on the weekend, goes home to work on the homestead. 

My learning curve - one doesn’t need “friends” if one has family.  And that’s the pure simple Swazi fact of life. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is related to another experience that frequently comes up here:  living at home.  See, in the US, it is fairly standard that kids move out at/around 18 (whether by choice, for college, or by force).  Here, “kids” don’t move out UNLESS they are married.  Even the ones who are lucky enough to go to university/get educated after high school - if they leave home for school, when it is over, they move home.  No questioning, no debate.  This is tradition.  And the Mothers I have spoken to - that have kids MY AGE or OLDER (that’s almost 30!) - they have even expressed what I interpreted as SEPARATION ANXIETY of their kids moving out and living on their own.  (Marriage is the exception - that is a joyous reason for someone to move, and is pushed hard in this culture!)   For me, living under the roof of “parents” with young siblings is relatively challenging.  I mean, I have been on my own since 17 when I left for University!  This is a BIG shift for me!  But for them - even if the “kids” (in their 20’s and 30’s) want to move out, the simple reality is they don’t.  They just stay at home, and complain.  Part of it is the parents saying no, and part of it is that it’s easier, and part of it’s that that’s just how it is.  Living at home, on the homestead, with your family (and then some!), you don’t really need anything else.  The western mental checklist of “needs” is seemingly secondary to larger family needs/traditions. 

My learning curve - it’s easier to live at home if that is what you are used to.  That’s how life is.  Deal with it, and if you wanna change it… get married!  ;)